"Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you."

My first job ever was when I was 17 and still in high school. I got hired at a local computer store doing retail sales. I was great at it. I could sell a stick of gum to any customer. It also helped to be the only female working in the entire store, and a cute one at that, where most of the customers were male. After being there for a year, I was promoted to store manager. I managed the store for another year till the company went out of business. The corporate headquarters were having problems with paying their taxes properly so they decided to shut everyone down.

So I found myself without a job, and in a new relationship. With responsibilities piling up on me, I decided to venture out and open my own store. At the young age of just 19, I was a business owner. I had my computer store for about 2-3 years when I finally decided that it was time to close. My father wasn't to happy about me closing it. He saw it as me giving up, being a failure. However I knew that after 2 years of not taking a pay check, I had to cut my loses and move on.

I finally found work at a new Grand Target that was opening in our town. I applied for a management position, but seeing how I was young and kinda inexperienced, they asked me to take the position of Loss Prevention Manager. It wasn't the fancy management position I wanted but it worked. I was in charge of making sure ever product in the store was properly priced and scanned. I enjoyed this job. Working in a retail environment was appealing, since I enjoy being around people. I ended up leaving Target after 1 year due to the company cutting everyone's hours back. How can someone make a living working only 20 hours a week. So, I was again unemployed.

During this time of unemployment, I had a disaster happen. One of my beloved cousins died suddenly and at a young age. This spun me into a deep depression. To make matters worse, the man I was in a relationship with for 5 years, cheated on me and left. So, again, here I was without a means to take care of myself and heartbroken. I was scared! I decided to take action. I phoned an old customer of mine from my computer business and asked her for a job. She gladly accepted and hired me.

Now I found myself in the field of medical billing. I was taught how to do it, since I had absolutely no experience. I can't say I made a great living at it. I was barely making it in fact. Working 14-18 hours a day, 5 days a week, and barely surviving. I was left with a massive amount of responsibilities that had accumulated from my relationship and had no help. I went through a big depression. I turned to drinking and smoking to make myself feel better. I lost a ton of weight due to not being able to afford food.

It turned around one day when I met my wonderful man, John. We've been together for 6 years now. I decided to quit my job when he asked me to move in with him. We opened up our own business and succeeded. Times were great. We were able to completely furnish our house, buy two cars, and go on many trips. It was amazing. When the housing market crashed last year, we took a toll. You see, we were in the business of land development consulting, so it affected us greatly. John ended up getting hired with a local company doing what he does best. I on the other hand, went from spending 24hrs a day with the man I love, to only getting to see him for a couple hours a night before he goes to bed and on the weekends.

It gets really lonely without him around, and when he is home he's just too tired to do anything. So, I'm left to my own, trying to figure out what to do on a daily basis besides cleaning and laundry. I decided to pick my art back up. Even though it has been fulfilling, I still find that somethings missing. Company. I have many online friends, but my best friend is John. Times are tough and we decided that it would be a good time for me to get a job. Mostly for the interaction with other people, and for both our sanities.

Here I am, on the hunt. I haven't worked for anyone in 6 years. I don't know what I'm qualified to do anymore, or if I would be good at anything. What skills do I have? Will anyone want to hire me without any certifications or degrees? Will I have to work 40 hours a week to only make minimum wage? I just don't feel like I'm qualified for anything. I feel useless. My dream job would be in the area of graphic designing or web designing. Maybe even something I can do from home. But everyone wants you to be certified or have schooling behind you. Two things that I don't possess. I think I have the talent, but will anyone go on that? I don't know what to do.

So, that's it. I'm on the hunt for something I don't even know exists. I don't even know if I can get it if it does. Boy when it rains, it pores.

Some I love...